How to know you are a good mom: 15 Signs you are a good mother
Do you ever wonder whether you are a good mom? What are the signs of a good mother?
Maybe you are trying to be a perfect mother but feeling like you are falling short.
First, stop. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent.
The most important thing is simply being a good parent.
Okay, let’s say a great parent. And you are a much better mom than you give yourself credit for.
So how do we define a good mother?
How do you know if you are a good mother?
If you simply and truly love your children with unconditional love, everything else flows from that.
You will do the right thing as a parent instinctively.
Motherhood is a wonderful thing
The joys of motherhood are many but how many mothers spend sleepless nights and find themselves constantly in the depths of doubt wondering if they are doing a good job mothering?
I bet numbers are in millions if anyone ever bothered to count.
The mothering role is one of the most fulfilling roles for many mothers, yet so many of us struggle with self-doubt, feeling we may be failing somehow.
And that is understandable, for as a mother we are required to fulfill many many needs.
And our children are everything to us. So obviously every mother wants to excel as a mom.
Here is a quote that catches this well: “Motherhood is the exquisite inconvenience of being another person’s everything.”
To put motherhood into perspective, here are a few more quotes on motherhood you should read.
You remember when that little blue line showed up on your home test and you were so excited?
You swore you were going to be the best mom ever.
You were going to do everything perfectly. You were going to be the best darn mom there ever was.
Then the baby came and you were home with your new bundle of joy.
You quickly realized after many sleepless nights that this was not going to be easy.
And that was still early days yet.
So many challenges present themselves in every stage of motherhood, and no book ever really prepares you for all of these.
I should know. I have been a mother for a while.
SIGNS YOU ARE A GOOD MOM
The doubts that beset us as mothers seem to only get worse through the decades.
I envy the moms from a few decades ago to an extent though.
I am sure many still worried if they were good mothers but the bar wasn’t nearly as high- I think( feel free to tell me if I am wrong on that).
It is much worse these days than it ever used to be.
What with moms across the globe showcasing their best curated moments? This leaves others askance, doubting their mothering skills.
You know those drool-worthy Instagram photo moments, with perfect kids doing amazing things?
The pressure to be a great mother is high.
It is coming at you from your inlaws, perhaps, your children, homeroom moms, or the PTA queen with their perfect cupcakes and the ever-at-ready-for-trip, fundraiser, and class-trip mom who makes you feel less than.
But let me remind you, you are still a good mother even if you work full time and can never always show up with the perfect homemade snacks or have time to be the roommother.
The doubts come again at you from your friends and neighbors whose kids seem to get fantastic grades and behave perfectly in school and church. And you think they are also perfect angels at home too.
Those little snippets you get of the good kid reels make you think they do.
Dear Mom, if you are doubting yourself as a good mom, I feel your pain.
Yes. You are a good mom. Actually, you are a great mom. An amazing mom. Truly.
The fact that you stop to think about this question is one bonus indicator.
If you do any of the following, then my friend, rest easy.
You are showing signs that you are a good mother. You are an amazing mom.
SIGNS YOU ARE A GREAT MOM
This list is by no means conclusive. Given the nature of motherhood, there are so many signs you are a good mother that I may not cover all of them.
We all feel the pressure society puts on us as mothers. Between a day job, housekeeping, and all the other things, you can easily feel overwhelmed and doubt yourself.
But you are an awesome parent if you love you give your children unconditional love.
You Love Your Kids, With All Your Heart
Of all the signs loving your kids unconditionally is one of the greatest signs that you are a good mother.
I know you do love your kids with all your heart, and if you know this and it shows, then you are a good mother.
You are the kind of mother whose heart lights up when your kids arrive home from school, and you dread anything bad befalling your kids, and this actually gives you nightmares and fear beyond belief, yes, you are a good mother.
You are a mother who counts her blessings every day because you have your kid or kids. You know what an honor motherhood is.
Then my friend you are a good mother.
You have routines and schedules
Having daily routines and daily schedules is very important, especially for young children. children thrive on routines.
You want your children to know what is expected and when.
As a good mom, your expectations are also reasonable.
You want your kind to thrive not to feel threatened in any way.
Having routines and a set schedule is a good way to establish smooth transitions and is good for mental health.
You Are Not Afraid To Discipline Reasonably
As a good mother, a lot is asked of you and sometimes you have to do hard things. Hard things like disciplining your children within reasonable limits.
Violence is not called for, and I will leave the decision to the type of discipline. You do to you, but children should always be disciplined with love.
Those kids who know that their mom loves them respond better to discipline.
So let your children know you love them unconditionally but show them right and wrong from a young age.
On the other hand, a lack of discipline is a disservice to children.
If you don’t discipline, the world will do it and that is never a good thing for kids.
If you do correct and deter bad behavior, you are indeed a good mother.
So discipline them and let them know you love them but bad behavior is never okay. If you doing that, then it’s a sign you are a good mother.
You Are Not Afraid To Say No.
That is a sign you’re a good mother.
I know you are afraid of the stares from strangers when your kid has a meltdown at the store because you said no to the candy or the toy they actually don’t need.
But as hard as that is, it only lasts a short time.
Think of the long-term burden you would put on a child if you never said no, and he or she goes through life feeling entitled.
That is the wrong lesson to teach and a disservice to the kids and the world.
Someone will eventually say no to him and then it may be too late to start teaching the lesson that we cannot always get what we want all the time.
So if you straighten your back and steel yourself and say no when it is called for mama, you are an awesome mom. Saying no when it is called for is one of the signs you are a good mother.
You Let Yourself Get Vulnerable
That’s A Sign You Are A Great Mother.
We all have bad days sometimes. And as moms, we have them too.
It is important to be strong for your kids but is also a good thing to show vulnerability. Let your kids know when you are not okay. You dont have to be strong all the time. Even a good mom has bad days sometimes.
Remember perfect mom is an illusion that others especially on social media flash in front of us.
If you let your children see that you are human, you develop a strong bond.
You embrace imperfections, and you teach the beauty of being human—of making mistakes and learning from them, and that makes you a great mom and a great role model for your kids.
A good mother shows feelings even if they are feelings of weakness at times. Having a bad day occasionally doesn’t make you a bad mom. We know that mothering is really hard.
Sometimes this is in the way of accepting when you are wrong when you have made a mistake
A good mother apologizes and accepts wrongdoing. It is important and very powerful to apologize to your children when you are wrong.
Sometimes You Let Your Kids Learn For Themselves The Hard Lessons In Life.
A good mother teaches her kids lessons to serve them in life.
Sometimes these sessions are in avoiding rescuing your kids all the time.
This is especially important in those later years when teens especially test boundaries.
You are a good mother when you know when to come to their help and when to let them figure it out on their own or learn a hard lesson.
This is scary. Especially if you have taught and guided them and they go out the safety of home and society has at times to teach the lessons they refused to learn.
Here is a powerful Kiswahili proverb that indicates what happens- “Asiefunzwa na mamawe hufunzwa na dunia. “
Well, it means one who the mother does not teach is taught by the world.
Mamas, it really may not be that you didn’t teach. It is that they did not listen.
You are a good mother because you tried.
You taught the lesson, and you did all you could, but the kids still strayed. Mama! Listen to me. You are still a good mother.
You Are Okay With Your Children Being Bored Sometimes
You are a good mother if you are not always trying to keep your kids from being bored.
I remember those days when mine were young and those Summer holidays could be very long sometimes, always trying to find things for them to do. They still yupped, ” I am so bored!’
It is okay mama to let them be bored sometimes. Let them come up with activities to entertain themselves, and to use their own creativity within reason of course. Let your kids be resourceful.
This is like the point about rescuing the kids when they’re wrong.
Jumping up ready to provide entertainment all the time is creating kids who feel entitled and ones who can never tolerate discomfort.
You want your kids to be the type of person who is creative and resourceful and not always dependent on others.
Life is not a joyride, and teaching kids that life is one big fun ride is setting them up for failure, disappointment, and intolerance.
You are a good mother if you recognize that and let them find their own clean healthy safe fun some of the time.
You enjoy spending time with your kids
Spending quality time with your kids is one of the most important things a good mother does.
Yes, I know you have heard this often, that you should enjoy them when they are young. It’s true though.
It is the little things you do together. The Disney movies, reading bedtime stories, playing dress up, and doing puzzles. All those moments.
Those are the big moments. And enjoying these moments makes you a good mother.
I wish I had known then that I had such as short time before my kids were all grown. Time really flew.
You Know When To Be A Mom And Not A Friend
I know you have heard it many times, but it bears repeating, we have to be our children’s mothers first and friends second.
You establish healthy boundaries with your kids. When you do this you will be much better friends, even best friends later in life when they are already grown.
It is important to maintain that space where you are the adult who will discipline with love and let children know unequivocally when they are wrong and that their things that are wrong and you will not tolerate.
You have to be the voice of authority and if you are afraid and worried about your child not being like you then you are afraid to discipline appropriately.
Be a mother first and a friend second. Children who feel loved know that even when you discipline them, you still love them and that, that is really important.
You understand and know that your children will make mistakes.
You can be the very best parent, the most amazing mom but your kids will still make mistakes. We all learn through mistakes.
So when they do make mistakes, you decide if it’s a disciplinary moment, a teaching moment, or both.
But your unconditional acceptance creates a nurturing space where your child can thrive, knowing they are loved for who they are.
As awe good mom, you never ever reduce your kids to their actions.
Getting The Occasional “I Hate You” Rant Is A Sign You Are A Good Mother.
Oh boy! I have gotten this one. It is not pretty. It is indeed very hard to hear. We as moms give our all.
And then the babies we love so much and have raised turn around and hurl this epithet at us. It is so very hard.
But it comes at those very important moments when lines have to be drawn and boundaries are being tested. What I have to say is – stay strong, mama, you are doing a great job, and that occasional I hate you is evidence of it.
A few years from now, they’ll be glad you stood your ground.
Say no to that play date if chores are not done. say no to staying up late or going to some inappropriate place. Say no to staying up late beyond their bedtime, with the occasional exception.
The list of things that can get you the “I hate you” is many because mothering is hard.
We are attempting to raise responsible beings, not entitled brats. Keep at it. It will pay off. I see you standing your ground even when it is hard. You are a great mom.
Your house is a bit messy
Do you have dirty dishes in the sink you haven’t gotten to yet? And there are toys all around the living room?
But your children are fed and happy? Then you’re an amazing mom.
The key is to recognize what is important. As long as at some point the kids pick up those toys, and help clean them if they are old enough. Dont sweat these little things. Get to them when you can.
A messy house doesn’t define you.
If your kids are happy thats all that matters. The only important thing is ensuring that it gets cleaned occassionally because constant mess also is not good for mental health.
And that is where those chores and expectations come in.
A Good Mom Teaches Self-love and Confidence.
Teaching your children self-love and self-confidence is a great gift. Going through life with low self-esteem is very painful.
And teaching self-love and confidence is best demonstrated by a mom who also feels confident and practices self-love.
Now not all moms are confident. In that case, learn the habits of confident women and practice as you teach. It is okay.
We can be anything we put our minds to just as we teach the same to our kids.
You’re a great mom if you demonstrate this very important element in living a happy life.
Demonstrating and teaching confidence and building your children up provide skills that will help them go after their greatest and happiest lives.
It is funny that just believing in the ability to achieve and do something goes a long way in actually accomplishing it.
So if you encourage your children to believe in themselves and I am sure you do, then yes you are a good mother.
You teach your kids the value of hard work
You are a good mom if you encourage your kids to do their best. Expecting all As on each report card affects the child negatively. But appreciating their effort or encouraging more effort reasonably makes you a great mom.
You are a good mom if you give your children chores and follow through.
Remember you are raising tomorrow’s adults who should be able to take care of themselves. You are raiding someone’s wife, or husband, a member of society. And for all of that hard work and taking responsibility are essential.
Doesn’t Berate Herself ( Looks Etc)
I know as women and as mothers, and as we change, sometimes, it is hard to look in the mirror. But it is so vital that you show your children you accept yourself fully and love yourself.
A good mother tries not to berate themselves.
Saying things like argh! I am so fat, oh I hate how this or that looks as your direct criticism on parts of yourself is damaging to your own self-esteem, and young children may start looking at themselves with such a critical lack of acceptance and ruin their self-love.
It is especially detrimental to children, especially, young girls.
Sowing self-acceptance is a great example to set for your children.
They copy what you do. So if you show your children how to be self-accepting, momma, you are doing a phenomenal job at
Your Kids Are Not Afraid To Come To You With Their Problems
If your children, especially those teens and young adults come to you and share their problems with you, it’s a good sign you have done something right.
Indeed you are among those mothers who have done a phenomenal mothering job.
Sometimes even very young kids can keep things to themselves if they don’t feel safe.
But a good mother lets her kids know that she is understanding, she is supportive, nonjudgemental, and she is in a safe zone.
With that established children with let you know when they are struggling, are afraid, or when they have made mistakes.
You are a good mother if your children come to you with their issues and you are their safe zone.
Any mother who has picked up a drunk teen knows how important keeping the doors of communication open and leaving judgment out are.
Keep letting your kids know you love them unconditionally even when they have made mistakes.
Especially in those moments when they feel most unlovable. I will tell you, mama this is hard.
This especially hurts like crazy. But we are moms, we get angry, and we still help in such times and then really deliver the consequences.
You Let Your Kids Know When You Are Wrong
Being vulnerable is an important quality to show to your kids. Vulnerability makes you human.
If you are wrong, learn to say it and apologize even to your kids. It is a great example to set that will for sure serve them in their own relationships.
You forge a better relationship with your kids when they see you as human, and when you are humble enough to accept you to make mistakes.
Inability to apologize for ruining many relationships. Showing your kids it’s okay to say you are wrong will serve them well later.
It’s a gift to them actually.
So if you are good at apologizing when you are wrong and just say it and seek forgiveness even from your kids, you are a great mom.
Setting a great example of what it means to be human and imperfect is important.
No one is imperfect and kids need to learn that. You are doing a great job.
You Build Your Children’s Strengths
A good mom celebrates her child’s strengths. You are doing a fabulous job at parenting when you recognize your child’s strengths and nurture them.
As mothers don’t we all love to show off our children’s achievements?
But for so long many mothers wanted their children to follow the traditional success paths.
You know, encourage them to become doctors, pilots, surgeons, lawyers, etc.
But there are those children who don’t want to follow those paths.
These are our lovely artists who want to pursue music, fine arts, fashion, and many not usually thought of as first-choice careers. We worry our children will become starving artists.
We come from a place of love when we advise against these artistic pursuits though because we simply want insurance that our children will not want for money and will have enough to survive on.
But firstly we really should consider their happiness.
That is what matters and as a mom, if you know this and encourage your children to pursue the career that makes them happy, you are doing a great job.
A Good Mom Takes Time To Care For Her Own Needs.
If you are a mom who takes time to care for yourself, you are a great mom. Great moms take time to self-nurture and practice self-care. If you don’t practice self-care, it is easy to get high-strung and unhappy. And momming while unhappy is especially hard.
It calls for trying to pour from an empty cup. You can’t give what you don’t have. So fill your cup of self-love by taking time for yourself.
Mothering is hard, and such a hard job requires energy, sharpness of mind, the outpouring of love, and sometimes inventiveness, and more.
It is a lot.
That is why taking care of your own needs matters. otherwise, you are struggling mentally, and physically, and then you have a hard time giving and nurturing as a mother should.
So sleep enough, go to the spa if you can, visit with a friend, and do whatever makes you feel like you again. If you need a bit more inspiration, here are self-care quotes to remind you to take care of yourself.
Related post:15 Self-care Ideas to Make 2021 Your Best Year
You Know That You Are More Than Mom
You have still a life of your own separate from being a mom. It is hard but even a bit of keeping up with who you are as a person is important to keep you from getting lost and losing your identity wholly as a mom.
You dont let your own identity be completely wrapped up in motherhood.
Then what happens is you resent your role as a mom if that is all it becomes. As precious and important that it is very important to keep up with your own personal life. Pursue the things that make you.
Your passions, your women learning, your hobbies, your friendships.
Be totally yourself and let your children see you have a life apart from them. Having that space where you are connected with your inner true self completes you.
Otherwise, you feel lost. You start fading and disappearing.
That can lead to resentfulness and dissatisfaction in your mothering role.
As human beings, we are complex and it is important to be authentically our full selves taking care to develop to our full potential. This sets an example for our kids.
A good mother pursues her interest to stay well-rounded.
Final words about signs you are a good mother
We have already established that being a mother is not easy but is so very amazing.
It is all about balance.
And remember, you can do all these things and more, and yet some children will still choose wrong.
You can raise them well with all they love doing all you know how and yet they still make bad choices.
So, Mama, you may think that you failed somewhere on this journey.
Or even feel that maybe you missed something. You may feel you could have taken them to church more.
Done something more, or not even have done something you did.
You may wonder whether you enrolled them in summer camp enough.
Did you read enough bedtime stories?
Did you say “I love you” and kiss them good night every day? Yet they still may do things you don’t understand and you may blame yourself.
Please stop beating yourself.
You did all you knew how to.
You tried and you truly loved them and still do even when sometimes your love doesn’t seem to be accepted or reciprocated.
I see you. You are still a good mom.
Remember, being a good mom isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being there for your kids, loving them fiercely, and doing your best every single day.
So, embrace your inner superhero, wear that messy bun like a crown, and know that you are rocking this mom thing like no one else.
You’re a good mom, no doubt about it! All these signs you are a good mom and more tell it all.
So now go forth and continue to be the amazing mom that you are—spreading love, laughter, and a little bit of chaos wherever you go.
As mothering is complex as yet amazing, there is more to mothering than this list.
What would you add?