How to know you are a good mom: 15 Signs you are a good mother
What are the signs that one is a good mother? Are you trying to be a perfect mother but feeling like you are falling short? First, stop. Perfect doesn’t exist. So how do we define a good mother?
The joys of motherhood are many but how many mothers spend sleepless nights and find themselves constantly in the depths of doubt wondering if they are doing a good job mothering?
I bet numbers are in millions if anyone ever bothered to count.
The mothering role is one of the most fulfilling roles for many mothers, yet so many of us struggle with self-doubt, feeling we may be failing somehow. And that is understandable, for a mother are many things required to fulfill many many needs.
Here is a quote that catches this well: “Motherhood is the exquisite inconvenience of being another person’s everything. ” To put motherhood into perspective, here are a few more quotes on motherhood you should read.
You remember when that little blue line showed up on your home test and you were so excited? You swore you were going to be the best mom ever.
You were going to do everything perfectly. You were going to be the best darn mom there ever was.
Then the baby came and you were home with your new bundle of joy.
You quickly realize after many sleepless nights that this was not going to be easy.
And that is still early days yet. So many challenges present themselves in every stage of motherhood, and no book ever really prepares you for these. I should know. I have been a mother for a while.
Signs you are a good mom
The doubts that beset us as mothers seem to only get worse through the decades.
I envy the moms from a few decades ago to an extent though. .. I am sure many still worried if they were good mothers but the bar wasn’t nearly as high- I think( feel free to tell me if I am wrong on that).
It is much worse these days than it ever used to be. What with moms across the globe showcasing their best curated moments? This leaves others askance, doubting their mothering skills.
You know those drool-worthy Instagram photo moments, with perfect kids doing amazing things?
The pressure to be a great mother is high.
It is coming at you from your inlaws, perhaps, your children, homeroom moms, or the PTA queen with their perfect cups cakes and the ever at ready for every trip, fundraiser, and class-trip mom who makes you feel less than.
The doubts come again at you from your friends and neighbors whose kids seem to get fantastic grades, behave perfectly in school and church, and home. Those little snippets you get of the good kid reels make you think they do.
Dear mom, if you are doubting yourself as a good mom, I feel your pain.
Yes. You are a good mom. Actually, you are a great mom.
The fact that you stop to think about this question is one bonus indicator. If you do any of the following, then my friend, rest easy. You are an amazing mom.
Signs you are a great mom
This list is by no means conclusive. Given the nature of motherhood, there are so many signs that show one is a good mother.
You love your kids, with all your heart
This is by far the biggest sign you are a good mother.
I know you do love your kids with all your heart, and if you know this and it shows, then you are a good mother.
You are the kind of mother whose heart lights up when your kids arrive home from school, and you dread anything bad befalling your kids, and this actually gives you nightmares and fear beyond belief, yes, you are a good mother.
You are not afraid to discipline reasonably
As a good mother, a lot is asked of you and sometimes you have to do hard things. Hard things like disciplining your children within reasonable limits.
Violence is not called for, and I will leave the decision to the type of discipline you do to you, but children should always be disciplined with love. Those kids who know that their mom loves them respond better to discipline.
So let your children know you love them unconditionally.
On the other hand, lack of discipline is a deserves for children.
If you don’t discipline, the world will do it and that is never a good thing for kids. If you do correct and deter bad behavior, you are indeed a good mother.
You are not afraid to say no, that is a sign you’re a good mother
I know you are afraid of the stares from strangers when your kid has a meltdown at the store because you said no to the candy or the toy they actually don’t need. But as hard as that is, it only lasts a short time.
Think of the long-term burden you would put on a child if you never said no, and he or she goes through life feeling entitled. That is the wrong lesson to teach and a disservice to the kid and the world.
Someone will eventually say no to him and then it may be too late to start teaching the lesson that we cannot always get what we want all the time. So if you straighten your back and steel yourself and say no when it is called for, mama, you are an awesome mom.
You let yourself get vulnerable: That’s a sign you are a great mother
It is important to be strong for your kids but is also a good thing to show vulnerability. Let your kids know when you are not okay. You do have to be strong all the time.
If you let your children see that you are human, you develop a strong bond. A good mother shows feelings even if they are feelings of weakness at times.
Sometimes this is in the way of accepting when you are wrong when you have made a mistake. A good mother apologizes and accepts wrongdoing. It is important and very powerful to apologize to your children when you are wrong.
Sometimes you let her kids learn for themselves the hard lessons in life.
A good mother teaches her kids lessons to serve them in life. Sometimes these sessions are in avoiding rescuing your kids all the time. This is especially important in those later years when teens especially test boundaries.
You are a good mother when you know when to come to their help and let them figure it out on their own or learn a hard lesson.
This is scary. Especially if you have thought and guided and they go out the safety of home and society has at times to teach the lessons they refused to learn. Here is a powerful Kiswahili proverb- Asiefunzwa an mamwe hufunzwa an dunia. ”
Well, it means one who is not taught by the mother is taught by the world. Mamas, it really may not be that you didn’t teach. It is that they did not listen. You are a good mother because you tried.
You are okay with your children being bored sometimes
You are a good mother if you are not always trying to keep your kids from being bored.
I remember those days when mine were young and those Summer holidays could be very long sometimes, always trying to find things for them to do.
It is okay, mama to let them be bored sometimes. Let them come up with activities to entertain themselves, and to use their own creativity within reason of course. Let your kids be resourceful.
This is like the point about rescuing the kids when they’re wrong.
Jumping up ready to provide entertainment all the time is creating kids who feel entitled and ones who can never tolerate discomfort.
Well, life is not a joyride, and teaching kids that life is one big fun ride is setting them up for failure, disappointment, and intolerance.
You are a good mother if you recognize that and let them find their own clean healthy safe fun some of the time.
You know when to be a mom and not a friend
I know you have heard it many times, but it bears repeating, we have to be our children’s mothers first and friends second. And when you do this you will be much better friends later in life when they are already grown.
It is important to maintain that space where you are the adult who will discipline with love and let children know unequivocally when they are wrong and that their things that are wrong and you will not tolerate.
You have to be the voice of authority and if you are afraid and worried about your child not being like you then you are afraid to discipline appropriately.
Be another first and a friend second. Children who feel loved know that even when you discipline them, you still love them and that, that is really important.
Getting the occasional “I hate you” rant is a sign you are a good mother.
Oh boy! I have gotten this one. It is not pretty. It is indeed very hard to hear. We as moms give our all. And then the babies we love so much and have raised turn around and hurl this epithet at us. It is so very hard.
But it comes at those very important moments when lines have to be drawn and boundaries are being tested. What I have to say is – stay strong, mama, you are doing a great job, and that occasional I hate you is evidence of it.
A few years from now, they’ll be glad you stood your ground. Say no to that play date if chores are not done. say no to staying up late or going to some inappropriate place. Say no to staying up late beyond their bedtime, with the occasional exception.
The list of things that can get you the “I hate you” are many because mothering is hard.
We are attempting to raise responsible beings, not entitled brats. Keep at it. It will pay off. I see you standing your ground even when it is hard. You are a great mom.
A good mom teaches self-love and confidence.
Teaching your children self-love and self-confidence is a great gift. Going through life with low self-esteem is very painful.
And teaching self-love and confidence is best demonstrated by a mom who also feels confident and practices self-love.
Now not all moms are confident. In that case, learn the habits of confident women and practice as you teach. It is okay.
We can be anything we put our minds to just as we teach the same to our kids.
You’re a great mom if you demonstrate this very important element in living a happy life.
Demonstrating and teaching confidence and building your children up provide skills that will help them go after their greatest and happiest lives.
It is funny that just believing in the ability to achieve and do something goes a long way in actually accomplishing it.
So if you encourage your children to believe in themselves and I am sure you do, then yes you are a good mother.
Doesn’t berate herself ( looks etc)
I know as women and as mothers, and as we change, sometimes, it is hard to look in the mirror. But it is so vital that you show your children you accept yourself fully and love yourself.
A good mother tries not to berate themselves. Saying things like argh! I am so fat, oh I hate how this or that looks as your direct criticism on parts of yourself is damaging to your own self-esteem and young children may start looking at themselves with such a critical lack of acceptance and ruin their self-love.
It is especially detrimental to children, especially, young girls.
Sowing self-acceptance is a great example to set for your children. They copy what you do. So if you show your children how to be self-accepting, momma, you are doing a phenomenal job at mothering.
Your kids are not afraid to come to you with their problems
If your children, especially those teens and young adults come to you and share their problems with you, you have done something right. Indeed you are among those mothers who have done a phenomenal mothering job.
Sometimes even very young kids can keep things to themselves if they don’t feel safe.
But a good mother lets her kids know that she is understanding, she is supportive, nonjudgemental, and she is in a safe zone. With that established children with let you know when they are struggling, are afraid, or when they have made mistakes.
You are a good mother if your children come to you with their issues and you are their safe zone.
Any mother who has picked up a drunk teen knows how important keeping the doors of communication open and leaving judgment out are.
Keep letting your kids know you love them unconditionally even when they have made mistakes.
Especially in those moments when they feel most unlovable. I will tell you, mama this is hard. This especially hurts like crazy. But we are moms, we get angry, and we still help in such times and then really deliver the consequences.
You let your kids know when you are wrong
Being vulnerable is an important quality to show to your kids. Vulnerability makes you human. If you are wrong, learn to say it and apologize even to your kids. It is a great example to set that will for sure serve them in their own relationships.
Inability to apologize for ruining many relationships. Showing your kids it’s okay to say you are wrong will serve them well later. It’s a gift to them actually.
So if you are good at apologizing when you are wrong and just say it and seek forgiveness even from your kids, you are a great mom.
Setting a great example of what it means to be human and imperfect is important. No one is imperfect and kids need to learn that. You are doing a great job.
You build your children’s strengths
As mothers don’t we all love to show off our children’s achievements? But for so long many mothers wanted their children to follow the traditional success paths. You know, encourage them to become doctors, pilots, surgeons, lawyers, etc.
But there are those children who don’t want to follow those paths. These are our lovely artists who want to pursue music, fine arts, fashion, and many not usually thought of as first-choice careers. We worry our children will become starving artists.
We come from a place of love when we advise against these artistic pursuits though because we simply want insurance that our children will not want for money and will have enough to survive on.
But firstly we really should consider their happiness.
That is what matters and as a mom, if you know this and encourage your children to pursue the career that makes them happy, you are doing a great job.
A good mom takes time to care for her own needs.
If you are a mom who takes time to care for yourself, you are a great mom. Great moms take time to self-nurture and practice self-care. If you don’t practice self-care, it is easy to get high-strung and unhappy. And momming while unhappy is especially hard.
It calls for trying to pour from an empty cup. You can’t give what you don’t have. So feel your cup of self-love by taking time for yourself.
Mothering is hard, and such a hard job requires energy, sharpness of mind, the outpouring of love, and sometimes inventiveness, and more.
It is a lot. That is why taking care of your own needs matters. otherwise, you are struggling mentally, and physically, and then you have a hard time giving and nurturing as a mother should.
So sleep enough, go to the spa if you can, visit with a friend, and do whatever makes you feel like you again.
Related post: 15 Self-care ideas to make 2021 your best year
You know that you are more than mom
You have still a life of your own separate from being a mom. It is hard but even a bit of keeping up with who you are as a person is important to keep you from getting lost and losing your identity wholly as a mom.
Then what happens is you resent your role as a mom if that is all become. As precious and important that it is very important to keep up with your own personal life. Pursue the things that make you.
Your passions, your women learning, your hobbies, your friendships.
Be totally yourself and let your children see you have a life apart from them. Having that space where you are connected with your inner true self completes you.
Otherwise, you feel lost. You start fading and disappearing. That can lead to resentfulness and dissatisfaction in your mothering role.
That would be unfortunate. A good mother pursues her interest to stay well-rounded. It is not easy.
But we have already established that being a mother is not easy, but so very amazing.
When you try for that balance, then you are content despite the challenges.
But, you can do all these things and more, and yet some children will still choose wrong.
You can raise them well with all they love doing all you know how and yet they still make bad choices. and mama, you may think that you failed somewhere on this journey. Or even feel that maybe you missed something. You may feel you could have taken them to church more.
Maybe you did. Then you wonder if you enrolled them in summer camp enough. Did you read enough bedtime stories?
Did you say I love you and kissed them good night every day? Yet they still may do things you don’t understand and you may blame yourself.
Please stop beating yourself.
You did all you knew how to. You tried and you truly loved them and still do even when sometimes your love doesn’t seem to accept or reciprocated. I see you. You are still a good mom.
As mothering is complex as yet amazing, there is more to mothering than this list. What would you add? I am looking forward to your answer. Please let me know in the comments.