Learning how to love yourself more is crucial if you are to live a life that you want the way you want to.
Self-love is an important part of self-worth. So if you want to love yourself again there are a few things to consider.
Too often we are conditioned that we have to be loved by other people to be happy. And so we solely depend on that to ensure love and happiness.
But when it doesn’t work or it goes awry, we fall even deeper into the pit of despair that is self-loathing and lack of self-esteem.
We feel worthless because someone failed to love us or failed to love us the way we would want to be loved.
The first step in gaining self-confidence is learning to love yourself first. Also, keep in mind that how you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.
And this is crucial because self-love has a central place in your happiness, your relationships, and how you live your life.
Recently more people are learning that practicing self-love is indeed not at all selfish but crucial to be true and authentic and therefore happy. Self-love goes hand in hand with self-confidence.
If you learn to love yourself you will increase your self-esteem and your confidence.
Sometimes events in our lives may leave us doubting ourselves and devoid of self-love.
At such times, it is crucial that we find ways to heal and love ourselves again.
You must learn to love yourself again, especially after a breakup, or a divorce, both of which can leave one broken and filled with self-hate and doubts.
In some cases, the problem is that we just have never learned how to love ourselves, especially if we came from homes where praise wasn’t given or there wasn’t parental support.
We must then educate ourselves on how to love ourselves when we don’t know how to.
And it is extremely important that we learn how to love ourselves in relationships, especially because that is where we tend to lose ourselves when we don’t know how to love ourselves first.
Loving ourselves first can save so many relationships when we don’t put that burden on significant others.
The trouble is that so many people go into relationships half empty – without self-love and they burden their partner with filling the empty spaces in them. And that is hard to do, and a roadblock to a happy relationship.
But if you love yourself first you will have a better chance of growing a happy balanced relationship.
Many relationships struggle due to a lack of real self-love.
However, we must differentiate between self-love and selfishness.
Self-love is complete acceptance and self-knowledge and kindness to one’s self.
I will be honest and say I have struggled with this and I know many people do too.
And so I have been looking into what is self-love and how you exactly practice self-love.
To me, a few things go into what I think of as self-love and how you can love yourself more. So let’s take a look at what self-love really should look like.
How to love yourself again
Surround yourself with those who love and support you
Lose a friend who doesn’t support you. No, it’s not selfish. You should be a support to them as well. Some friendships are not worth having. Some will talk behind your back for example. They are flakey.
They will make promises and break them. They’re jealous. These are not worth keeping around. Have a friend who encourages you. Who roots for you and a happy when you succeed.
Have a friend who will guide you. Who will tell youth the truth when called for?
These friends are there in good times and bad times.
Those are true friends. If only have a handful of these, that is all you need.
If you have ever been in real trouble, you will then know who true friends are.
Value these friends. Having real true friends and distancing from the fake ones are important as you seek to love yourself again.
Take responsibility for your own life
Taking responsibility for your life is pretty important in loving yourself more.
So many people have this victim mentality and go through life angry with parents, other people, and even God, blaming and feeling sorry for themselves.
It is true you may have been wronged by someone. Your parents may have made mistakes or were no good, but you are grown now.
Take steps to make your life better. Improve yourself.
If you can’t forgive, learn to move on.
Go to therapy. Practice unapologetic self-love. Own your life. If you don’t like how you are living your life, don’t blame your parents.
Seek ways to change your life.
There are so many things you can do. I have seen people who were once homeless become millionaires.
Don’t stay stuck in a bad situation sink your head in the sand and blame the universe. Own your life. Go after things that will improve you and your situation. You can do it.
Have the courage to change
To love yourself more, can require that you find courage.
You need the courage to go after those things that would make your life feel more meaningful. Maybe you have wanted to travel to a distant land but were afraid before. Do that.
Maybe you wanted to start a new business, change careers, or quit a would-sucking job.
You need courage for such big life-changing events. Maybe you are in a bad marriage or relationship and you need to break free.
Talk of hard and absolutely courageous things to do.
These and many other things call on you to be brave, when you finally do them, you will find great love for yourself.
Do you want to love yourself more and live authentically?
Living life trying to please others, because you want to look good in public, or so as to please your mom, your boyfriend, or your husband is a miserable way to live.
It is okay to please them but also make sure you are not doing so at the expense of your own happiness.
In order to love yourself more, you need to sit down and think about how you would want to live if you were not afraid of being judged by others.
Then start living that way.
Think about what you like, and believe in. Consider what your passions are and then do those things.
Make the changes you need to be authentic so you are living life in alignment with your true authentic self.
How to practice self-love and be happier
Pay close attention to your intuition
Your intuition is this very very quiet inner voice that we all should pay attention to. Your intuition asks you to look closer. It prompts you quietly to double-check something or a situation.
And in listening to your intuition you can avoid taking a certain or decide to take another.
So when that very small inner voice speaks, pay close attention.
This is your intuition speaking to you so you make the moves that will lead you to more happiness or avoid some bad outcome.
And in so doing we experience more self-love when we are in tune with our intuition.
Let go of the past mistakes
Forgiving yourself for past mistakes is a big step to loving yourself again. Sometimes we all do things we later regret.
But when you master forgiving yourself, and self-compassion, then you can move forward and be a better you.
Don’t live in your past because you do have the power to change.
Forgiving yourself is a powerful way to love yourself. It is healing.
And as you heal you will feel more empowered and can then look at yourself in the mirror without self-loathing.
You will learn to love yourself again.
This step may require you to seek mental health counseling.
Sometimes it is hard to see yourself clearly, and see how you can move past your mistakes without the help of a good mental health professional.
So don’t be afraid to seek help when you struggle with past mistakes that are costing you your self-love.
Take note of the things you love about yourself.
Is it you your looks, your hair, skin, or any other part? Is it the things you are good at? You are good at something.
Take note of that and celebrate it. Say it out loud and let the world know you are good at it. Write e down in your journal.
Feel the pride. Look in the mirror and take pride when you look good in that new dress or outfit, but it does have to be new for you to revel in it.
Learning to accept yourself just as you are flawed and all is so important in learning to love yourself again. We are living in a highly artificial world.
And the world has always shaped how we look at ourselves. If we don’t look close to what we see on TV and social media these days we tend to feel we don’t measure up. We don’t feel beautiful.
We even may hate part of ourselves, especially those areas that don’t conform to the images we see.
It is okay to change what you can, especially in cases of weight- if you can.
Losing weight is important for health and will in many cases make you feel better about yourself.
But look at your nose, your legs, your thighs, your face, everything, and even if not mainstream, accept and love all parts of yourself.
Remember too much of what you see on social media, is curated, and filtered and you only see people’s best reels.
Be you. Accept yourself wholly. Practice in the mirror if you have to.
Don’t compare yourself
Right along with being authentic and accepting yourself is not comparing yourself to others. For the most part, comparison kills joy and takes away your sense of self and love for self.
Remember also the people we compare ourselves to are mostly showcasing only their highlight reels. We don’t see behind the curtains.
We don’t see the work and the struggles they have been through t be where they are. So start being proud of your journey.
It may be different and hard and you may have imperfections, but so does everyone. Stop looking over the fence and wishing you had this or that because that takes your joy away.
If it is something you can change then work for it, If you can’t change it, then don’t compare, accept what you have and who you are, and focus on what is positive in your own life.
I bet there is a lot about you that other people wish they had. Maybe it’s your gifts and talent, maybe your natural beauty, brains, or all of the above. Don’t sell yourself short by comparing yourself to others.
Self-love requires patience. You must be patient with yourself. Remember that good things take time.
And being impatient will only make you anxious and fearful. and in the end more likely to feel shame and self-doubt even self-loathing.
Just keep moving forward and improving your life.
When you do that, in due time, you will have a whole new life that you have worked for and the results will be more happiness and a sense of accomplishment.
Find, develop and use your gifts
You have wells of untapped potential. You are limitless.
Find these golden nuggets and polish them. Let your gifts shine in the world and life will have more meaning. You will be happier.
Ditch your old beliefs.
Do you hold certain beliefs about yourself? Maybe you were told things at an early age that make you feel less than.
Or you inferred beliefs that you are not worthy enough
The feelings and beliefs can hold you back. Society sometimes burdened us with images of what we should be looked like do in life to be thought of as beautiful successful or great.
Start believing you are beautiful and worthy and smart. There are many types of smart after all.
Learn it is okay not to fit in
Be okay with not fitting in. Match to your own drums if you want to. it is okay not to fit in. Break away from the mold and go after what brings you joy.
This for most requires courage. it can be scary.
This is living in your own truth and it is a powerful way to manifest your best life. Loving yourself is being okay with not fitting in.
Practicing affirmations is sending yourself positive empowering messages. And it sounds woo to some people, but affirmations actually change the way you think and see yourself.
Affirmations change your personal self-belief.
It is amazing how the brain works. Why do you think that when you buy that new red car, you suddenly start noticing so many exactly like it?
Your brain is simply more aware of this type of car.
Also in the same way, when you say negative things to yourself, you feel negative. When you think the universe is against you and play victim, you feel negative and victimized, and angry every day.
But once you start sending positive messages to your brain, you will feel happier, positive, and empowered and soon you will act like it and good things will start to manifest.
Try it. It will change the way you think and manifest more self-love.
Here are a few affirmations to start with.
- I attract only good things to me
- I am worthy of happiness and joy
- I attract good things to me
- I have the power to change and move my life in the direction I want
- I am ready to accept new opportunities that are all around me
- I am loved and wanted: I am lovable
- I am getting better every day
- Today I love myself a little bit more
- I am learning to accept and develop my gifts
- I am beyond blessed.
Related:63 Calming affirmations for a good night’s sleep
One way to love yourself again is by starting to respect yourself again if not doing that already.
How do you show yourself some respect?
You can start by saying no to things you don’t believe in, things that push your boundaries, the wrong relationships, being taken advantage of, or being mistreated in the workplace.
You show yourself respect by speaking up.
It is hard, yes, but standing up for yourself and what you believe in will make you feel proud and unburdened.
It will give you a spring in your step. This is a powerful way to show yourself more self-love.
Let me just say it. If you are not eating right you are not loving yourself. This is because food has a profound effect on your well-being.
Food affects your mood in either a good way or a bad way. When you eat junk, you feel like that and you have junk in the trunk, well I know all about that. I am over here working right along with you trying hard to avoid junk to get rid of that junk in my trunk.
Can we also mention that while junk feels so good going in it makes us feel so bad later when the results show up in the belly rolls and the thighs and everywhere?
Plus, the feeling we get from all that may send our self-esteem right down plummeting to the abyss of our emotions with dwindling self-love.
Pursue new interests.
It is so uplifting to acquire new skills. Remember the pride you felt the last time you learned a new skill.
Remember when you learned to drive? You were awash with self-pride.
Learning new things is a powerful way to feel amazing and love yourself more.
And when you master a new skill, you feel lots of pride and a sense of self-worth and confidence.
So you want to learn a new craft, a new computer software, pursue a new hobby, or go back to school to pursue a new career, these are all effective and amazing things that will skyrocket your self-esteem and self-love.
Exercise is self-love. Start an exercise regimen to boost your self-love. I know you know this but let’s rehash it anyway.
When you go for that run or lift some weights, do yoga, or do cardio you feel really good.
You get that runner’s high that makes you feel happy due to the feel-good endorphins released when you exercise.
exercise also gives you a sense of achievement and heightens this high. That elevates your happiness and sense of self boosting your self-love.
But what about the results you get long-term? You start to look trim and firm and your tush looks great, and even your skin looks good.
Talk about a heightened sense of pride and self-esteem.
Lookin’ great is awesome and when those clothes fit so perfectly, you will be on cloud nine.
Elevate your self-love with a good exercise regimen. Feel your best.
One important way to love yourself more mentally is to make sure you prioritize your health.
And sleeping enough makes you feel good. And when you feel good you feel more confident, and generally at ease in your own skin.
We now know just how important sleep is for our physical as well as mental health. Lord, you know how grumpy you feel when you have not slept enough.
You are grumpy and who can blame you? So much is also gone wrong when you fail to sleep well or enough. I do know something about this as a nighttime RN.
Those days I don’t sleep enough are just hard and I don’t feel good about myself at all. One way to boost your self-love is to make sure you sleep enough every night or at least most nights.
Sleep is so important for health. Sleep is a necessity. It is required for mental health, immune health, even cell regeneration, and more.
It is when the trash in our brains is taken out. When you don’t sleep well and get that REMsleep, the trash piles up, and you feel awful. Worst of all, those other activities that boost your self-love don’t happen.
You have no energy to do much, and you are angry, on edge, and feeling out of sorts. So just prioritize sleep t boost your self-love.
Get yourself unstuck
Are you stuck in a rut? Living a passionless adrift no-purpose life can suck all your energy and zest for life.
So if you feel stuck, learn how to find yourself and your purpose gain.
There are some simple things you can do to find yourself.
First, ask what you think is wrong. What is the root cause of your unhappiness? Change the things that are holding you back.
It may be a relationship, a job, or the place you are living.
You may be a girl who loves nature and you a living in a big city, or you are a city girl stuck in the country. Move.
Of course, you have to plan, maybe even save money to make it happen.
Do you need to change jobs or careers?
All of these and many other things can make you feel stuck. Write a list of what makes you feel alive again and plan how to make these things happen.
None of it is easy, but to love yourself again is so important. Try taking small steps towards your big goals and you will get there. You can love yourself again.
Having boundaries is freeing. People can take and take and ask for more and more till you are left empty and unhappy.
Learn to say no when you need to protect your time, your energy, your money, your space, or anything else you don’t want to deal with.
I do not say that you become selfish. No. Be helpful, and kind but don’t let people abuse you with all the extras.
Keep your emotional and mental balance. To really love yourself you have to be able to say no.
You should even have a no-list. Say no to relationships that don’t meet certain criteria.
And say no to taking on more responsibility at work if it is not being renumerated or you feel it’s too much.
Speak up for yourself and say no to being taken advantage of and misused.
When you refuse to let people misuse you and you stand up for yourself, you are showing yourself respect and showing people how to treat you. It is a powerful type of self-love.
Start a personal growth journal.
Journaling is a great and powerful way to reflect on your life and events. It shows you things a bit more clearly and lets you vent if you need to. Use your journal to make lists of the changes you want to start to make your life better.
You can also write gratitude lists in your journal. Remember gratitude is a big part of embracing the law of attraction and boosting your happiness.
Write things you are grateful for every day and see your self-love and happiness grow in leaps and bounds. If you need some help to get you started, try these journal prompts for self-love.
Related: Journal prompts for self-growth
Journaling also calms your mind and quiets your spirit to quash anxiety.
So as part of your love plan try writing in your journal every day. You can use a notebook for this or try a specific journal like this one.
Stop sabotaging yourself
Do you somehow always seem to get in your own way and somehow always self-sabotage your happiness? Let’s say that maybe find the guy you like for example but you are insecure and think that there is no way this fine specimen of humanity would genuinely be interested in you. You think that he can do better so you self-sabotage and end it.
Or maybe you start things but never finish because you just don’t believe in yourself.
Just know this. You are beautiful and yes, you are enough too.
Believe you should have good things and love yourself fully.
Go after the things you are passionate about enough.
So many of us get stuck obeying the rules. I am not saying you break any rules. What I am saying is that just because your parents wanted you to become a doctor you don’t have to be.
Even if you already went to school and learned to doctor. If you are not passionate about it then don’t.
Ask yourself what are you good at. What do you love?
Make a career of it.
This is the one best thing about the gif economy.
You can find a little corner of the universe and rule with your gifts.
Give yourself a compliment
It is so easy to find things to compliment when it comes to our friends. But we struggle to say nice things to ourselves.
One way to increase your self-love is to stop and notice your good attributes both physical and others such as your love for people kindness, and helpfulness.
But look at yourself and find beauty. Maybe it is your nose, your hair.
Complement those things you love about yourself. Be proud of that.
Notice your self-talk and change it.
Learn to rephrase your negative self-talk and this will lead to true self-love.
It is never easy to change things we do over and over. But we need to start.
To love yourself more, start by changing negative self-talk.
Catch yourself and talk back to that negative thought because it is not true. You need to let your brain know the truth. It is the things that we keep telling ourselves that become our truths.
The good thing is we can change this. We owe it to ourselves to love ourselves first. If self-talk is a major struggle for you, here is a great resource that shows you step by step how to change your negative thinking.
When the mean girl that is in your mind shows up and whispers mean things, lean to show her the door by changing the mean thought.
Let’s say you say to yourself something like, I just don’t have what it takes to get this job.
Change it to I can do this job if I put my mind to it, I just need to learn and practice the skills needed. Or I am afraid of going on this date.
If you think, ” I am not all that pretty, smart, funny,” etc. Change those thoughts to I am beautiful and he is lucky I said yes… you get the drift.
So there you go!
You can learn to love yourself again. Just pick an area of self-improvement and work on it. Notice your thoughts and actions that need changing, and then start changing and adopting better habits.
When you follow these steps soon enough you will be the person you have always wanted to be, truly love yourself, and feel confident at last.
Read next: How to find yourself when you feel lost and stuck in life
46 questions to ask yourself when you feel stuck in life.
Simple self-care ideas for mental health
How to live your best life
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