We all want to live happy fulfilling lives. But unfortunately, far too often, we lose ourselves and feel stuck in life.
When this happens we can feel like there is a secret password that others know and we don’t. And we continue to move along then just putting one foot after the other numb and adrift.
Life then just feels bland, tasteless, meaningless, and joyless. We lose ourselves living without the zest for life.
It is easy to get stuck and lose direction and just feel adrift. And it can be hard knowing where to begin so that you live with passion and life becomes meaningful and full.
It is not wrong to think that life should be blissful and fulfilling. It should! We should not be moving about in life as we if we are part of a masquerade dance like zombies moving about a stage.
If you are feeling lost and want to find yourself again, I want to say it is time. Life is supposed to be lived and not just endured. It is not easy. In fact, finding yourself when feeling lost and stuck is one of the most difficult things you will ever do in your life.
But what power and light after! What an amazing sense of self and purpose after! So it is important that if you are feeling stuck and lost now, you start doing everything necessary to come back to your self.
So how exactly can one start the path toward finding themselves if they feel stuck and lost…adrift?
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I identify what you really want
Sometimes we get bogged down living other people’s dreams for our lives. This may be because someone important in our lives told us it was the best thing for us and we followed along because we didn’t know better. Or we were too intimidated to say otherwise or we believed it then and we thought that was the best.
Parents especially are implicated in this scenario. As parents, we want the best for our children and our parents wanted the best for us. They wanted us to have the job that makes the most money maybe, or to marry that boy… and which parents don’t want their child to go to an Ivy League school and become well, a doctor, a lawyer and such traditional well thought of careers.
But what if your child wants to become an artist. What if you wanted to become a dancer, or something else? Figure out what got you caught in this quagmire in the first place. Sit down and really think about what it is you’d rather be doing in this life.
Sometimes we are stuck in other areas of life such as relationships. Career choices and relationships are some of the most common areas that can cause you to feel stuck. So just start evaluating what you really want for a career, and why. You should also evaluate current relationships and think about whats about them is making you unhappy
If it is a significant relationship such as marriage, think about what areas in it need change and if that is possible. The other person may not think as you do.
They may not want to change anything or it may be that they cannot change. Counseling may help you both. And a big decision may need to be made.
To really feel unstuck you may have to start over and that can be pretty scary so make sure you have thought this through and it is the only way for you to be the you that you should be.
If you just have a vague sense of unease, one good way to get clear is to do a brain dump exercise. Just sit down and write all the things you would like to do feel and experience.
Don’t worry if some of them sound silly or impossible. Write down everything you think you desire and that would make you happy.
It may be cities you want to visit or live in, people you would love to meet, the best career, how much money you think you need, the house you want, how you want to spend your time, hobbies you want to try, or practice and more.
Write everything down. Then start coming to the list daily and analyzing every area and its possibilities.
Look at the list and see what really speaks to you and explore that idea more. It may show you what is really missing and help you see the direction you need to go in.
Discover what drives you.
It is possible to feel so lost when you live passionless with nothing that really lights the fires of your heart and your mind. We all need something that makes us jump out of bed every morning with anticipation.
What is it that you so love to do and your eyes and mind light up with ethidium for? It may be a hobby that you enjoy on the side while you drudge along daily going to your day job. But you may want to think of it differently.
Can you turn that hobby into something that becomes your living? A career? It is possible. And now even more than ever.
Many are making a living out of their love of gardening, photography, cooking, you name it. So just think about the one thing you love to do and start looking at ways you can make it your way of life.
Visualize the life you want.
There is great power in visualization. To start, picture your best day and how the day would unfold and what you would be doing. Picture your weekends. Where are you and what are you doing? Allow yourself to dream. Visualize the best career and what you would do on a day to day basis.
Create a vision board that showcases what you want your life to look like. Do you what to travel? Find symbols of cities you want to see and put them on your vision board
You want a new career, find something to represent that. Or do you want freedom? Put as many symbols and representations of what you envision on your vision board and keep it prominent so you see it daily as a motivator.
It is okay to dream. Bring that image of the best life for you into focus through the power of visualization.
Have some goals
Thinking alone will not move you forward. You need a plan that will help you and motivate you to take the right actions. Without goals, you lack direction and you may find things overwhelming and you may give up. Goals and a plan of action will propel you forward.
If it is a new career you want, have goals towards that such as the goal to enroll in a class by a certain time or to accomplish a step toward your desired career, maybe write a new resume. So start making smart goals and planning and then implement those plans by taking daily actions.
Related post: Steps to attaining your health goals in 2019
Starting taking action
Just do it. Take action. And don’t worry about perfection. Take the imperfect actions, and just keep moving forward.
They don’t have to be big steps. But you must take a step every day. A small step every day will add up over time.
Other than before you have achieved great things and so can you achieve the dream you have for your life. ” Take action! An inch of movement will bring you closer to your goals than a mile of intention”- Steve Manaboli
You cannot achieve anything if you don’t take the first step. So think about what do you want and what is the tiniest step you can take towards it? Before you know it these tiny imperfect steps will add up and soon they will be one giant step toward achieving your dream life.
And don’t let self-doubts derail you. Doubt kills many dreams and keeps many immobilized. I like this quote by Mel Robbins ” Your doubts create mountains. Your actions move them.”
Stop Comparing your self
Oh, the woe that comparison can cause! Just scroll through Facebook for 5 minutes or Instagram. And Instantly you start to question your life. Are you even alive? Are you good enough?
Do you dress well enough? How pretty is everyone you see on your feed and their perfect lives? Stop. Go right now and look yourself in the mirror and say after me, ” I am beautiful, and I am enough.”
If however there is something positive you can do to improve yourself, then let what you see inspire a change such as eating right and exercising.
Do you want a certain way of dressing or grooming, then learn and create that if it will help you feel more confident. Nothing wrong with that.
Love your self and replace all those negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Don’t compare apples to oranges and remember the grass is not always greener on the other side.
Others are probably right now envying you. It is okay to improve yourself and your life, but not because you want to impress anyone, or because you saw certain people do certain things.
Just know what you want because it will make you feel whole and full. Be fueled by the right purpose.
Related post: 11 Simple Good Habits for a happier Life
Find new friends.
There may not be anything wrong with your current friends, but if they are stuck too and they want to maintain things as they are then you too will likely stay stuck. You all will have a common comfort zone.
To get unstuck you have to upgrade your relationships. You need people who are driven to move forward. You need people who have a vision for self-improvement and success.
People who want to move past the comfort zone. So seek to relate to people who will motivate you and who are also motivated. It is good when you have a buddy to challenge you on the journey to change.
Go way back
Yes, retrace your steps to the time when you used to have enthusiasm for life. Remember the time you had so much hope for how your life would turn out. What dreams did you have then? What happened to stump them out? Feel how you felt then and harness that vision.
Sometimes life can really throw lemons at us.
Sometimes someone in your life discouraged your dreams and said they were silly or that you were not equipped to pursue those dreams. Something happened to derail you and to completely alter the course of your life.
We are at times the product of our immediate environment. May be family or whoever came along and poofed your spark out. Dig that dream out. Dust it, shine it, and start going after it again.
Spend time alone
Learn to appreciate alone time. Go places by yourself.
Go to the movies and to dinner by yourself. Embrace quiet alone time. Use these times to reflect on the life you want.
Get to really know yourself. Get in touch with the real you. Journaling is a powerful way of understanding yourself and your unique perspectives, drive, and circumstances. Establish a routine that nurtures your mind and body through journaling. And it helps too to have journal prompts if you are so stuck and you don’t know where to start. Look for pretty journals such as this. I am all for pretty notebooks personally. Here are a few others that may inspire you as well.
Look closely at the areas in your life that are no longer bringing joy. Are there relationships that need fixing or that you need to leave behind?
Or is it a career choice that is stressing you? Is it the job that is not fulfilling you? A career choice you regret. It is a bad career choice?
Come up with a well thought out plan to move forward.
During these times, layout plans for betterment. Write down new goals and plans for action. Also, appreciate what is good in your life. There is always something to be thankful for. And being thankful adds positivity, joy, and hope that more good things are coming.
Leave the comfort zone
Many people get stuck and lost in their comfort zone. It is easy, familiar and a step out feels so daunting and scary. Our brains are designed to keep us here where it is safe and familiar.
It is a trick. Nothing makes a life sadder than being stuck in fear of going after the big things. Living a mediocre life due to fear and self-doubt. Banish that self-doubt and go after the big fish.
It is when we dare to go after our dreams that life becomes exhilarating. Imagine now how it would feel to succeed in the one thing you really want to do. Envision it. Then start taking steps. Even if you just take the tiniest steps they add up.
In the book, The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy, Darren outlines how small actions every day, lead to the outcomes that you desire, and of course, even inaction will also lead to their own outcomes. I highly recommend reading The Compound Effect. Check it out here.
The brain tries to protect us from danger, and so those big dreams are scary. But remember, the scarier they are the more meaningful they are.
So to really find yourself, you have to face your fears and go after the big scary goals. Push now past your comfort zone to find yourself.
You really don’t want to look back later and wish you had taken more risks. At the end of life, many people regret not taking risks. So now is the time to really live.
Take more risks. Take action and dare to live now.
Change your Mindset
Sometimes we stay stuck because our mindest keeps us thinking small. Sometimes we create a narrative that keeps us small and stuck. Look closely at how you see your self. Have thought that eh, you are just a nobody from no account heritage, not from a rich family or not educated enough or someone told you you are something or other. It is time my friend, to think big and see yourself as the person you are supposed to be -would like to be.
Identify that origin story and change it.
Listen and watch this inspiring video so you can stop being average and small. Discover your purpose.
You can learn to change the way you think about yourself and your abilities. You can change all that negative talk that keeps you from moving forward. Negative thoughts are powerful and unfortunately pretty overpowering.
And since you have thought a certain way for so long, neuropathways have been etched that keep you thinking the same way. But you can make new neuro-pathways that empower you.
You just have to practice a different way of thinking every day. In other words, think you can and you will. All you have to do is believe in your ability. Now that is power.
People have done amazing things by believing and thereby surmounting some great odds. If you want to start living a meaningful life then you must overcome your limiting beliefs.
Redirect those niggling self-doubts and small thinking. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Try saying affirmations even if you have to practice in front of a mirror.
That inner critic has to be beaten into submission and overcome so you can truly find yourself again. Don’t believe much of that inner critical voice tells you cant do.
Find inspiring mentors
Find yourself a mentor. Find someone who has done what you want to do.
Seek out real people you know who have done what you want to do and ask for guidance. Learn and get inspired. Practice the lessons they provide until they become a force of habit.
A life coach or business coach would be great. But there are other ways of getting inspiration.
You can find inspiration on Youtube, listen to amazing inspirational Ted Talks, Podcasts or read self-improvement books. You can follow inspiring people on Facebook and other social platforms. Learn from experts and then perfect these new skills.
Educate your self
Is there something you have always wanted to learn, to become but somehow you were dissuaded or got discouraged? If you truly want to feel and live then you need to learn to do the things that inspire you. To learn what the new life you envision and want requires creating read books on it and educate yourself.
Learn what is needed to create the new life you want. Do you need to go back to school? Or is it something you can do by educating yourself at home?
Good thing the internet now has so much info. Invest in yourself and your education.
Forgive and forget
The weight of carrying old hurts and disappointments and anger can keep you stuck and mired in negative feelings. This leads to a dimmed light and heaviness in the heart and mind.
We can’t help that we come across people who just don’t live to our expectations. If these people are immediate family members I suggest find a good mental counselor to talk to for perspective.
You may need to shift your outlook, and if you are right and someone really did you wrong, a therapist can help you learn to let go and move on.
Help yourself by letting go of old negative emotions. Don’t carry a tire around your neck. It will suffocate the life out of you. This lack of shine in this dimmed light only attracts more negativity.
You have heard of the law of attraction. Some people think it is only woo woo, but it works. We attract what we are already looking for.
So if all we think about is negativity more of the same we manifest. But when we speak light and positivity, more will come into our lives. Try it. And learn to forgive and move on.
Finally, be in the driver’s seat. Start to steer your life in the direction you want it to go to. Focus on your dream and stop looking to other people to make it happen.
Stop blaming others for what went wrong in the past. Shake it off and move on goals in sight and start living purposely knowing fully that the world, unfortunately, doesn’t owe anyone anything.
We all must create our own reality, and we can change our circumstances. We can succeed in spite of the present reality if we believe enough in ourselves, our ability, and our dreams.
We must step forth and stop expecting anything from anyone. Avoid blame and make your dream a reality by keeping it in focus. Live purposefully.
Again, a mental health professional and a life coach can help you see clearly, and bury your hurtful past and forgive so light can come into your heart.
Negativity and blames are too heavy and they keep one stuck in the past. Live today for yesterday is gone and you can make tomorrow so much better.
Do a deep clean
Nothing like a thorough deep clean to fill you with inspiration. A clean orderly environment clears the mind. It makes you feel light, unencumbered, and expansive.
And keeping excess stuff you don’t need is a sure sign you are stuck in life and of unhappiness. Cleaning and getting rid of stuff is a big step to getting unstuck.
And hoarding all things is very stressful and an energy zapper that causes one to go in circles not knowing where to start and feeling stuck.
Do a deep dive cleaning of your whole house.
You will feel happier and will help you move on and leave behind the experiences you no longer care for. It will help you break free. It will inspire and energize you.
A deep clean of not just your house but your entire life is a great first step to moving forward baggage free.
Go on and prune relationships you don’t need. Clean your inbox as well and keep mail from only people you truly want to hear from.
And while you are at it you may want to follow only people who inspire you on social media. Keep your real and virtue environments inspirational.
Start getting unstuck today. Take the first step and do one thing today that you will be proud of. It may be the smallest step.
But you take a small step every day, and every day you will be that close to living the life you have always wanted. A life of freedom, passion, and true happiness is possible.
So now, tell me what step will take first? Or are you living the life you have always wanted? I would love to hear more about it. Tell me here in the comments.