The habits of the most confident women
They refuse to bend to social norms and expectations
Do you know those limiting rules that we as women are expected to meet? Sometimes it is as so many things that no one can really meet them.
You know like walking the line of “you need to be sexy, but don’t be too much” or “speak your mind, but be demure and dont talk too much” and on and on it goes.
Or Keep a clean wellorganized home, make healthy meals daily, raise good well behaved kids, and be a super achiever at your job. Or even being called angry and &*%*#chy just beause you speak your mind and assert your self. The expectaions for women can be well, infuriating.
Sometimes it is the expectaions from your Anut Mave and the rest. It may be that you are expected to get married at a certain age, have babies at a certain age, follow a certain carrier path, climb the radder of carrier success and live in the suburbs.
No one expresses this better than Ash Ambirge in her book The Middle Finger Project. You’ve got to read this book. It calls out the bull of all the norms laid out for generations that when you think about it, you start to see there is a better way.
Define your own success, and your readiness to meet whatever milestones or not. Be your own woman. Let your vision for your life guide you and live according to your own authentic self.
I go deeper into how to live an authentic life more in another post. See the post, How to Live Authentically
and this post How to Find Yourself When You Feel Lost and Stuck
A confident woman owns her uniqueness and doesn’t feel the need to blend in.
That is her superpower.
She refuses to bow to what other people’s opinions of her are, or let that influence her actions.
Her actions are instead driven by her belief, her world view, and what she thinks is right or important.
A confident woman does things at her own well thought out time.
She will adroitly put those nudging social voices from all the aunts and moms who always wish -the- best -for- her in their place.
A confident woman also knows right from wrong and chooses right.
So many things are wrong in society, and some are the norm, but a confident woman wont does them just because society has accepted them.
She questions norms that are wrong at a moral level or any other level.
A confident woman questions that and chooses a different path.
The path of whats is right and just.
Confident women stand for something and they are not afraid or deterred to speak their mind on issues that matter.
They embrace their purpose
Knowing just what drives you and what you are passionate about is empowering. Confident women know what they are passionate about and pursue that.
They know their purpose and their lives are guided by those principles.
And so they can move assuredly towards pursuits that fulfill them, bring them joy, and guess what even more confidence as they succeed in things they are passionate about.
There is so much power and joy in living your purpose and confident women embrace totally embrace and go after the dreams that ignite passion.
They silence out the limiting mind
Confident women recognize the limiting mind and they have actions steps to hashing out the voices that say you can’t, you are not good enough who do you think you are.
The limiting mind is present in all of us.
The trick is in recognizing it and saying thank you for that warning but there is no real danger here and goes on to do new great things in spite of little voices telling her not to try.
Now, this can be tricky and for those not well-practiced, a little help may be in order.
Here is a great book that shows you how to hash out your limiting mind so you can start being the confident woman you want to become.
It is important to learn to say good and uplifting and kind things to yourself. And ” What to Say When You Talk to Yourself “ is a great guide for learning to change negative self-talk.
They ask for help and advice
Confident women know there is no shame in asking for help. No one can do it all or know it all.
In fact sometimes the bigger you go the more help you will need.
They have gurus and coaches.
They know there is wisdom in being mentored and helped sometimes.
It is okay to forge new paths, they know, but no need to reinvent the wheel.
So they ask for guidance when needed.
And on the other side of the coin, they delegate tasks, so they can keep showing up and keep things moving along. No one can do it all alone.
Confident women recognize that.
They know when to say no and stick to it
A confident woman is not afraid to say no. Look. You only have so much time and so many resources and energy are all finite things. You must use them wisely.
So confident women know this and refuse to take on things that they don’t care about just to please, or things that will cut into precious time they can’t afford or take on on too much because they don’t want to displease someone else.
They are skillful at the art of saying no and sticking to it.
Listen, someone will come along and ask you to babysit, lend them money, take on a project, go someplace.
If it is not something you want to do say no anyway.
The first few times it is hard but you will get better at it.
Don’t do things just to please others.
They take good care of themselves
Confident women take time for self-care.
They nurture themselves. It takes a lot of energy to be a go-getter, and truly you can’t really the powerhouse of ideas, have the energy to show up in greatness if you are sleep deprived, hungry, or have left no time to rest and rejuvenate.
So self-care is crucial to being truly confident.
That means that confident women observe and protect their bedtime.
That they establish routines that set the tone for a calm evening with rituals that slow the mind for a good night’s sleep.
Read more about great self-care ideas here so you can start showing up in true confident fashion.
A confident woman plans and is goal-oriented. Every moment is well calculated and given time.
This way she can avoid unpleasant surprises as much as possible.
Yes, of course, hurricane and pandemics happen. That’s life.
But for the things she can control her plans for, keeping short and long time goals.
Confident women know if you don’t plan, you plan to fail.
So their yearly calendar is a constant companion.
They plan their day to reflect those goals, knowing that it is the small and big actions that move them towards achieving these goals.
So every evening they schedule the next day and pick 2 or three things that are crucial to success for that day.
Also, confident women know that done is better than perfect.
So don’t let perfectionism derail their plans.
They don’t procrastinate as that is one sure way of staying stuck and they don’t believe in staying stuck.
They understand resistance in all its tiny poking ways and plan small achievable actions that beat resistance.
So they are always moving forward regardless of how hard something is.
They know success is in the planning and taking action no matter how tiny.
Are not afraid to fail.
Ah, the good old comfort zone. We all want to be in it. But that is living so small. Confident women are not afraid to fail.
Okay maybe they are but they don’t let that stop them going beyond their comfort zone and seeking out big bodacious lives.
It is outside of the comfort zone and the unfamiliar where all the magic happiness.
True greatness is born of this. Of going beyond our fears, and discomfort of doing new things.
New things do become familiar and comfortable the more we do them.
Ever noticed how you buy a red car and all you can see is red care. It is your brain on focus.
Or better yet how sometimes you get home and you are like Whoa! I don’t know how aI got here today.
Your brain took over and drove you home become that neural pathway is established.
The more you do things the familiar it gets the easier it is that you can do it on autopilot.
So go for that big scary thing you want, soon it will be so easy you will laugh that you were once so worried about it.
Confident women don’t look down on others to build themselves up.
Confident women do not put other people down. In fact just the opposite.
Confident women build other people up, help, and mentor others.
If you see a woman laughing at others and bullying and putting them down, that is the mark of an insecure woman.
She feels the need to put someone down so she can feel better about herself.
Confident women don’t feel the need to step on others to elevate themselves.
They accept their imperfections
Really, no one is perfect. And I have nothing against self-improvement.
I am all for it in fact, as a matter of fact, that’s is why I am writing this post.
But there are some things we cant change.
Yes, maybe we can make a few changes with plastic surgery and can make thin hair fuller, but imperfections are so much more than that.
Think about your quarks. I am impatient.
I recognize it and work on it.
And confident women recognize their inspections, accept them and work on them without wailing and fretting and being fixated on these imperfections.
Body imperfections are funny and everyone has something they wish they could change.
If you can change it if not accept it and learn to live with it.
No need to dwell or petty things.
There is so much more to life than our weight and the shape of our nose.
They avoid unhelpful comparisons
Confident compares herself only to the person she was yesterday and the person she wants to be tomorrow while learning from those she admires.
Confident women understand that comparing oneself to others is hard to avoid but if needed, it is to be done as a way of learning, not eying the other in jealousy and bad will, but as an example of what is possible.
So confident women learn from successful people, take action to implement actions of their own success knowing that things take time.
They know that if you are only beginning then you cannot compare to one who has long been excelling for a long time.
They know when to use the power pose
We all have those moments when we are not so sure of ourselves and we have to muscle up everything we got to keep it together.
Maybe it is at an interview and we are just intimidated.
Confident women know when to call in the power of the power pose.
This works. Just sitting up straight, drawing that air into your lungs helps.
This is not the moment for slumping. Some situations actually call for the warrior pose.
It has been shown not only to make one look confident but to feel confident too.
So next time you have to walk into a room full of power suits.
Call on the powers of the confidence pose. Fell the power. Be power. Be confident.
But the power pose is so much more than how you stand and sit.
It is in the power of your handshake. Just frim enough without an attempt at breaking another person’s hand.
It is the pleasant warm smile and the meeting the gaze of those around you.
Confident women know how to harness all these subtleties into a power pose of confidence.
It is a learned skill and practicing in front of the mirror will eventually get you there.
And going hand in hand with the power pose is that confident women also know how to dress for the occasion. They know too the importance of the power suit and dressing for success.
Really this is not just dressing officially but it is dressing right for the moment. Confident women are master at dressing for the moment.
They believe they are worthy
Confident women demand respect. Well, no, they don’t brandish hands in the air asking for it.
Although sometimes in situations of systemic injustice towards women in general they do show up and loudly demand respect and recognition and fairness when something calls for it.
They treat themselves with respect and won’t let others close lines and disrespect them.
As such they chose relationships wisely whether is spousal relationships or others.
They spot narcissists and such other personalities and avoid them or put them in their place.
They speak up and take appropriate actions.
Confident women believe in fairness and expect it at work and relationships and ask for it.
Sometimes as women we have to ask and society has done things in patriarchal ways for so long, in some cases, it is the norm.
Confident women believe they are worthy and so they question the status quo.
Confident women listen and know when to speak
All that blathering out is usually shows a lack of confidence.
It is a mask. Confident women are measured and listen more than they speak and when they do, they are collected and careful with their words.
They are busy assessing the situation and the other party and make sure what they say matters and not just filling out the silence.
Confident women study the situations and speak accordingly.